Tonight, over dinner we talked about how poorly we have been about posting blog consistently lately. We realized that some of it was due to changes in our schedules and overall life craziness.

However, at the end of the day, we acknowledged that all we had was excuses.

This lead us to think about recommitting. I feel like recommitting is such an important aspect to life. Each day I (Nathana) get up and go to work I have to recommit to loving and working with the kids I see--even if the day before left me feeling like a failure. The same goes in our marriage relationship. We may mess up big time or feel hurt by our spouse, but we still have to wake up each day and recommit/choose to love them. Without this rededication we can grow complacent with a mediocre marriage. 

Mitch replies: Recommitment is a process that is ongoing but it is also important to remember that creating a commitment is no small thing. It should also not be taken lightly. The commitment that we make to our jobs, friends, and family are important. Let alone the commitment you make to Jesus by taking Him on in baptism or binding your life to your spouse in marriage.

Commitments are important!

In the same way, recommitments shouldn't be done habitually without thought. They should be taken seriously. It should be done with intentionality.

But don't let this detour you from rededicating yourself to something. As important as it is to make commitments mindfully, it is equally important that they are made. If in doubt, if your heart is leading you towards change, dive in. Work at it. Take it seriously as you go. The important thing is that you start!

May God bless you as change is made,

- Nathana and Mitch Clay

    Today Nathana and I wanted to share a shared experience with you. As most of you know, we have been in the process of relocation for quite a while now. We can proudly say that this relocation process is now complete! We have new phone numbers, license plates, drivers licenses, professions, and a new home. But something that stayed the same was the fact that these new things were shared with each other. Nathana was by my side the entire time, and I with her. As we entered this new life together, hand in hand, we experienced some growing pains. This came from several points of stress but they all involved the inability to be truly intimate with each other. So here are our shared experiences based on this fight for our hearts.
    I would first off like to state that there was never a moment that we were in crisis as far as our marriage was concerned. We were always fully dedicated to getting through all things and we were fine throughout it all. With that said, a relationship without intimacy is just a friendship. It is (in my humble opinion) the one thing that continues to drive a couple together. Relationships that lack closeness forces the couple to work off of a more basic and shallow level. It makes the connection plain, distant, and uninteresting or what I like to call “White Bread Love.”
    So what was the thing that mostly robbed me of my ability to feel intimate with my wife? Mainly our proximity to others. The main issue for me was the fact that for about 6 weeks we didn’t have a place that I could feel safe enough to let down my walls and bare my heart. In between our home in Nebraska (being a mess of boxes and junk), visiting family for the last time, moving over 1,400 miles, searching for a new apartment, and making that new apartment a home, I had a hard time feeling secure and comfortable. My life felt out of place and the fibers of my foundation were being cut. I just didn’t feel like allowing myself to be vulnerable and open when everything else felt so scary.
    The good news is that I was able to fight this as we went along. Some of the weapons that I used to fight against insecurity were very basic, yet effective. One of those weapons was just the dedication that I had to my marriage. I knew that these times would pass and I wouldn’t allow them to injure our relationship in the long run. Another was making sure to take the time for dates with each other. We were in the midst of unpacking into our new home and I just couldn’t handle the clutter anymore. So we went to one of our new favorite places, ironically titled “The Place”. Just having a breather from the chaos helped our conversation. Finally, and most importantly, the reinstitution of Bible study. Being in the word together did wonders towards feeling at peace with our new surroundings...

Mitch

    Familiarity, closeness, understanding, relationship, and confidence are the words that appear when I plug “intimacy” into my online Thesaurus. These are essential ingredients necessary to any deep relationship. They are also true for our relationship with God. What robs me of intimacy spiritually, in friendships, and my marriage is one word: busyness. My task-oriented brain entangles me with my agenda and to-do lists to the point that I shove prayer time, husband time, and friend time to the future where I will have theoretically completed all that I think I should. When I do this, I sacrifice familiarity, closeness, understanding, confidence, and relationship.
            During our transition time and move, I know there were times that failed to prioritize Mitch over all the pressing details. Now that we are settled and I am finding ways to show my love and prioritize his needs, I see how much I let our marriage and many friendships suffer because of draining busyness. Intimacy takes effort and energy. Some days, both Mitch and I were so drained physically and mentally that we just wanted to turn off our heads and relax. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it took the place of conversation, joint prayer, and the things that keep us intimate.
            I am very proud of the transition we made to living and working in Arizona. Nevertheless, if I could do one thing differently, I would try to take some time out of every day, even if just for 15 minutes, to pour love into Mitch and feed our marriage. I know that the future holds a lot of busyness: family, ministry, friendships, full time jobs, housework, and probably much more. Life doesn’t slow down; at least it won’t for a while. That is ok. God will strengthen us for the tasks ahead; however, we have to let him into our life to prepare us. We also need to uphold our marriage and important relationships as priorities that take precedence, no matter what comes our way.

-Nathana
 
Questions:
1. What are things other than busyness that might challenge a relationship’s intimacy?
2. How do you work to prioritize your marriage, even when you are busy and drained?

    I now pronounce you husband and wife. . .

    Some of the most exciting words you will ever hear. Seven words that change your life forever. But how does your life change? You go from being two individuals that are smitten with one another to a unit formed by God. Formerly an “item” while dating, marriage is designed to create a unity in you that transcends human affection. It is a spiritual oneness, a new family unit, a bonded future and dreams. . . Dating is a mere commitment; marriage is a covenant, which is much stronger than a commitment or even a contract. However, our sinful, selfish nature can so easily corrupt this gift. Fortunately, our selfish nature does not doom us thanks to the incredible sacrifice of Christ.

    We are excited to start on this commitment to you, our readers, to bring you help, hope, laughter, and even some challenges to step up and honor the covenant you have made. We anticipate doing this through couple’s devotionals, personal thoughts, and resources that we will review and share with you among other things. We will also address and tackle some of the touchier subjects such as abuse, addictions, power struggles, and everyone’s favorite . . . sex.

    On a personal note, I am excited about embarking on this with Mitch. We are not professionals, please keep that in mind, but we are passionate and are praying for God to guide us. We are planning to discuss topics separately, but also to respond to each other's posts so that you can get the “male” and “female” perspective. We are also going to forge new ground and do some vlogs (video blogs)!     - Nathana


    With all of this being said, we are also really excited just to build a relationship with you! We want this site and blog to be as fun and user friendly as possible. It is our desire to create an avenue for discussion, interaction, and community. So, please respond to our posts with your thoughts, ideas, and stories! We honestly hope that you will find something here that you are interested in plugging into.

    I also wanted to take the chance to state that we are very excited to share advice and understanding with married couples but that doesn't mean that you've got to be hitched to read our blog. We really want to reach out to our single readers as well! We will do this through our "What's Cookin" page, some of our blog posts that will be more openly geared toward a wider audience, and book/website reviews.

    So the Clays cordially invite you to the fun. We invite you to the discussion and fellowship. We invite you to inspect yourselves and your marriages along with us. Like Nathana said we are young and have only been married a little more than a year. We are not experts nor therapists. We are just married Christians in search of oneness with each other and the Lord. So join us on our journey!
        - Mitch